1. I hope when I get married, it’s for life. That’s why I’m going to live together with someone first, just to make sure they’re the right one before making that kind of commitment.

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I don’t want to condemn you or insult you. In fact, I really care a lot about you.  Your my (friend/relative,etc).  That’s why I don’t want to see you get hurt.

Tons of people get married and then get divorced. I think it’s like 50 percent, isn’t it? If you split up, do you think it’ll hurt any less without a piece of paper?

I think you think this is old-fashioned, but I don’t think it’s just a piece of paper.  When people get married in connection with a ceremony before a bunch of people and before God, they make vows to stay together until death telling people to pray for them to stay together.

That’s no guarantee, but it does start things out with a much stronger foundation.    

You might think this is condemning you but I want to think about the contrast to what you are saying to the wedding vows. They provide a starting point.

The vows say we stick together for better and for worse, in sickness and in health in other words, no matter what, even if feelings change for a while, or if someone else comes along. It means to stay together for life which is what you are looking for, not as long as it feels good.

But the real question is how can any one make that kind of promise? They can only do it if there’s something supernatural going on in their relationship. If we don’t have God in our lives, everything falls apart sooner or later and He provides the way for things to work for the long-term, in fact, for eternity. His ways bring freedom. 

For me, my relationship with God affects everything I do. It changes how I see men, women, marriage and sex. It tells me that sex is something sacred that binds people together and changes them, and why I don’t stand a chance of loving anyone the way I should unless I first get into a right relationship with God. Would you like me to explain that?


2. A Christian says, Hey, they’re not married, but it’s working for them.

Actually lifelong monogamy is God’s idea because He has the best in mind for us.  There are always consequences for breaking God’s design like distrust, and making it harder to stay committed once they do get married. Marriage solves our God given need for intimacy. How can it really work if they won’t commit?


3.  After your comments you are told, Judge not lest ye be judged.

Ok, let’s think about that for a second, do you think that means no one has the right to tell anyone that they’re wrong because it’s impossible to do; if no one’s ever supposed to tell anyone that they’re wrong, they just broke that rule. They’re telling me that I’m wrong for judging.

I think you mean don’t insult, degrade or disrespect anyone even if they’re doing some really bad things. Jesus warned his disciples to stay away from wolves in sheep’s clothing and anyone who was trying to lead them astray so He asked us to make correction judgements.

If you sat here and told me you are a child molester, I wouldn’t say "Well hey, who am I to judge." But why we would both agree that’s wrong?

So the question comes, who makes the rules and how can we know them?

Have a good idea for an answer?  Send your thoughts to journeydiscipleship@mac.com.  Thank you.